The 6 Dumbest Things You Have (Probably) Done on Facebook
Recently, I had the pleasure of publicly humiliating Twitter users. Encountering numerous mishaps on a daily basis while on Twitter, I knew that sooner or later I could not let it go by unnoticed. So, I wrote a blog post about it.
And, no one showed up.
I was confused. Why weren’t people rallying behind me in my revolution against Twitter?
A-ha! I exclaimed as the hypothetical light bulb appeared momentarily above my head. No one uses Twitter!
So, I needed to shoot higher (TWSS!). I needed to go for broke and go after the big guys on campus. I needed to go after Facebook.
Facebookfails.com is a testament to my claim. It seems that no one is safe from imperfection while roaming around in the supposed safe gardens of FacebookLand. In this post, I will do my part and highlight six of the biggest, the dumbest, and the most foolish acts to have ever occur on Facebook.
Trying to delete your account
Forgetting to log off
Forgetting how you managed to change your Facebook into Pirate-speak
Adding your boss on Facebook
Bragging about how you never committed any of these foolish blunders
Remember when you first heard about Facebook? It was the greatest thing since sliced bread and everyone was signing up at a rabid pace.
“Dude, how come your not on Facebook? Everyone’s doing it, man!
That’s what you said about Myspace! The only people who use it now are egotistical teenagers with nothing else better to do!
No, maaaan. Facebook is different. Ya gotta sign up, man.
Then, you gave in. You couldn’t take it anymore. You became Stan from South Park:
Now, there is no going back.
With privacy concerns always a constant issue, many users are asking the question: How do I delete my Facebook account? The answer is clearly not a simple three-step method. Over the years, managing one’s privacy has quickly grown to a massive tangle of confusion. The New York Times recently published an informative, yet alarming, infographic of how Facebook privacy options have evolved throughout the years.
Then, things got worse. The man behind all this madness, otherwise known as the CEO of Facebook Mark Zuckerburg, shocked the world. No, he did not go to the grocery store and flash elderly women. In fact, this incident occurred 7 years ago, when Zuckerberg was only a 19-year college student at Harvard. According to Business Insider, the following instant message exchange occurred between Zuckerberg and a fellow college friend shortly after Facebook was launched.
Zuck: Yeah so if you ever need info about anyone at Harvard
Zuck: Just ask.
Zuck: I have over 4,000 emails, pictures, addresses, SNS
[Redacted Friend's Name]: What? How’d you manage that one?
Zuck: People just submitted it.
Zuck: I don’t know why.
Zuck: They “trust me”
Zuck: Dumb fucks.
As they always say, what happens in instant messaging, doesn’t always stay in instant messaging.
Alright, let’s continue.
Luckily for you, your Facebook account’s password is over 20 characters long. Filled with ampersands, hashtags, upper and lower-case letters, numbers, and periods, it will take generations of computers to break through your infallible gatekeeper to your personal life on the Internet.
Problem is, it’s a royal pain in the ass to log in.
Then things went downhill: you got into the habit of forgetting to log off your Facebook account. Then, an innocent friend of yours happened to walk by your computer while you went off to class. Like Charlie holding the golden ticket, your hilarious friend whipped up some inspiration and proceeded to update your Facebook status.
Fortunately for you, you did not end up getting arrested for your mishap like this guy.
After watching a marathon of the Pirates of the Caribbean, things arrrrggghh a bit different these days. Things only got worse when you greeted your mother with “Ahoy there, matey!” when you came back from your voyage, errrr, I mean school.
Aha! That’s right! Just the other day you managed to change your Facebook language setting to “Pirate” after reading about it from the LonePlacebo Facebook page!
In a study focusing on companies with 1,000 or more employees conducted by Proofpoint, an Internet security firm, 17% report issues involving employees’ inappropriate use of social media sites like Facebook and LinkedIn. In addition, 8% reportedly had to fire someone as a result.
Clearly, companies are monitoring people’s usage of sites like Twitter and Facebook. Or, another perfectly reasonable explanation is that people simply misplace their brains at the most inopportune times. Like this employee:
So, remember everyone. Don’t be fooled by the idea that everything you do on Twitter or Facebook is completely private. Mark Zuckerberg would love to tell you that your “privacy” is a thing of the past.
Since you’ve actually put the time to read this article to the dreaded end, you must’ve thought:
“Hey, I’m pretty swell! I’ve never done any of these things! Imma go and post up pictures from last night’s beer pong party! Yea, alright!
Don’t let it get to your head. Once you’ve let your guard down, who knows what chaos you’re capable of? Take it from me, practice common sense while using Facebook. Because like people always say…
What happens on Facebook, never stays on Facebook.
BTW, you should follow me on Twitter here.
Photo by College Humor
Absolve your mighty Facebook sins in the comments section below! Don’t worry. Your privacy is safe with me!