This upcoming Wednesday, I will be attempting to pass my driving test for the third time (Read about my experience taking the test the first time!). This goes to show that you should never ask me to give you a ride. But am I really a terrible driver? I don’t know. You see, the rules of the road and I just don’t get along too well.

There are hundreds of reasons why I hate driving as much as I hate taking public transportation. I just cross my fingers and hope that scientists will hurry up and invent autopilot for our cars (Update: Google built one!). In the meantime, take a look at the following five reasons why I hate driving.

1. Driving will kill me.



According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, traffic accident fatalities was the fifth leading cause of death in the United States in 2008. Yes, it says “Accidents (unintentional injuries).” Just subtract the number of people killed from rocking vending machines and BAM, there you go.

2. Driving will make me poor

Is it me or has gasoline prices been fluctuating from 3 to 4 dollars for the last five years now? No matter what, whenever your primary means of transportation runs on a nonrenewable resource, you are likely headed toward a very expensive future. A Pearls Before Swine comic strip I read a while ago painted the picture quite well.


3. Caution ahead: Everything is a potential danger

Let me try to list every possible hazard you might encounter on the streets, ranging from the highest degree of danger to the lowest: Female-asian drivers, females with periods driving, single-mothers with three hyperactive children, taxi drivers, pedestrians crossing the street, animals, fire hydrants, ambulances, homeless people, Chuck Norris, dying trees, truck drivers who have driven four hours nonstop, money, Twilight fans chasing after Robert Pattison, meteorites, ET, and Tiger Woods.

In short, everything you see becomes a potential traffic accident when you step behind the wheel of a car. Good luck.

4. Sitting in traffic, aka “cruel and unusual punishment”

Thank you, Michael Douglas. The entire driving population understands your agony.

5. People are too damn brave

When people sit behind the wheel, they morph into maniacal lunatics thirsty for blood. Giving someone the finger and screaming horrible things that would make even the Queen blush is a common characteristic of many drivers, including myself. There are millions of reasons why I’m worried for humanity, but the way people act when they drive is close to the top of the list. God help us all

Photo by Leonid Mamchenkov and m.a.r.c.

Urgent update! I passed the driving exam with only three errors! The instructor even wrote “Good driving” on my paper.

So, do you hate driving as much as I do? I sure hope so. Let me know in the comments section below!