Move aside, Facebook. You’ve had your long run of glory since your inception in 2004. 350 million users later, it’s now time for you to to head along the same path of irrelevancy as Myspace. Who will replace Facebook in its mighty throne? Somebody by the name of TWITTER. Here now are five reasons you need to ditch Facebook and start tweeting now.
Alternative RSS Feed
Free meals, courtesy of Chad Ochocinco
In under 140 characters, you can literally spread a nasty rumor about that asshole that stepped on your new Nikes this morning and spilled Tabasco sauce all over your favorite shirt as you were about to ask the hottest girl in school to go out with you instantly to the entire world.
“OMFG, guys!#@@$@ That stupid bi#$#ch Jacob is the sole reason why I’m still a damn virgin!!#@ Screw him!@!@”
Think about it. The ENTIRE FRIGGIN’ WORLD. You can literally have thousands of super-hot chicks sending you messages to hook up with you in a heartbeat. Sure, beats Facebook, right?
That’s right, my broke friends. Your mindless tweeting can actually be worth money! By signing up for services like Sponsored Tweets or Ad.ly, you can set the price companies must pay for you to tweet their ad. Then, sit back waiting for the boatload of offers to arrive in your inbox. Ok, maybe more like envelopes or post-its of offers, but nevertheless it’s a potential gold mine. Compensation is based on a variety of metrics, primarily focusing on the number of followers you have and the level of influence you possess (how often do your followers click on links from your tweets).
With the rise of Twitter, I predict the fall of RSS feeds. There is a reason why there hasn’t been a mass adoption of RSS. The primary cause? Twitter.
Many websites and blogs are increasingly setting up a Twitter account for fans to follow and stay updated on their latest articles. Rather than being fed a long page of all the latest articles from websites you subscribe to using an RSS feed, you can use Twitter to quickly scan through dozens of post titles and click on the link to those you find interesting.
Since creating my Twitter account 4 months ago, I have been lucky to find numerous hilarious people to follow on Twitter. Such comedic legends include: Tremendous News, The Bloggess, Shaq, and Shit My Dad Says.
One of the most flamboyant and prolific Twitter users, Chad Ochocinco has been known to spontaneously invite fans to join him for a free meal. In one famous incident, Ochocinco tweeted that he would be visiting a restaurant named J Alexanders and wanted fans to come eat with him.
Later that night, he tweeted a group picture of himself and some hungry fans.
“FAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKEEEEEE!” you scream at the top of your pathetic lungs. Stop trolling. It ain’t cool anymore. Ochocinco even took the time to show evidence with the printed receipt:
Well, there you have it. I hope I have overwhelmingly convinced you to adopt Twitter and forget about Facebook once and for all. If not, please feel free to join the LonePlacebo Facebook page.
“The what page?”
Yes, I’ve been spamming you. Please stop hitting ignore. It hurts my feelings and makes me unravel inside like a little schoolgirl.
Alright! So you now have a Twitter account. Why not follow me?