Now that you’ve torn apart Facebook with your incessant status updates, you set your eyes upon your next target: Twitter. The prospects bode well for you; unlike Facebook, Twitter allows you to broadcast your tweets to anyone across the world. Anyone. Take that Facebook privacy settings!
Your assignment is clear: you want to gain attention on Twitter. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt reigned supreme for months as the king and queen of attention. “Outrage!” you cried out loud at your neighbor’s cat. No one deserves the title of attention whore more than you.
With that, I now bring you 12 types of tweets that always attract attention, guaranteed.
The Drunken Tweet
Facebook made it easy for you to upload your drunken photos of yourself and write incomprehensible status updates. On the other hand, Twitter gives you only 140 characters. A tough challenge no doubt, but you tell yourself, “I can peservere.”
The Historic
It doesn’t happen too often, but when it does, we all race to document it, blog it, televise it, and upload it to the Internet. Keep your eyes open and your ears alert. You don’t want to miss out on this opportunity.
The Incomprensible
Sorry, but thanks to Google Translate, tweeting in a foreign language doesn’t qualify as being incomprehensible. Try and create your own language that only you understand.
The Big News
This one ain’t too difficult to write. In some cases, you can even tweet fake news that would appear to be accurate. Heck, you think people on Twitter tweet about Bill Cosby’s death for no reason?
The Interesting Fact
OMGFacts quickly amassed thousands of followers when they began tweeting out interesting facts that most people didn’t know about. Applying that same formula to your next tweet, attention is certainly around the corner.
THE “WHOOPS! I FORGOT TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK” TWEET
This one is a no-brainer. We saw how Kanye West perfected this with his blog. With a simple click of a button on your keyboard, all eyes will be on your next tweet.
The Funny Tweet
You laugh out loud suddenly. You weren’t expecting it. You couldn’t believe it. Someone had the literary skills to make you laugh in less than 140-characters.
Impossible.
You read it again. Again, you laugh out loud. This is pure genius you say in your head. Instinctively, you retweet it.
And so did 100+ other people who lol’d just like you.
Tweets that Start with Numbers
John is checking his Twitter feed this morning. As usual, he finds endless tweets about Lolcats and quotes from philosophers he last read about in college. Out of nowhere, he finds something different! Something never before seen that morning! A number. Specifically, a number at the start of a tweet. Success! You have caught John’s attention.
The Can’t-Miss Deal Tweet
We all love to save money, whether you make more money than entire countries or not. Furthermore, we all have experienced the same feeling of discovering a great deal at a store or online: we don’t want to share it with anyone. But that’s the crux of the problem in your quest to obtain attention. We all have to make sacrifices, and this is one worth making.
The Controversial Tweet
We’ve all heard how some employers are monitoring potential and current employees’ social networks. They aren’t doing it because they care about your frustration over the end of the Twilight series. No, they want to make sure you aren’t spreading nasty rumors about the company or ranting about the low pay. In reality, many people have lost their job because of inappropriate tweets. Their jobs.
So, whether you are looking for new employment or simply want people to notice you, say something outrageous that would make your mother cringe.
The First Tweet
Like a child walking for the first time, one’s first tweet is a memorable moment. What will you say? Can you be interesting in 140-characters or less? Someone’s first tweet is so fascinating that it even spawned a website dedicated to reading anyone’s first tweet.
The “Holy shit! No way!” Tweet
Did you happen to witness something mind-blowing that you only experience once in a lifetime? Share it on Twitter! Then we could all collectively choke on our morning cereal as we read about it.
Image by plasmastik
